What I hear: “But you don’t look like the super-offensive Jewish physical stereotype!” Do you expect me to be flattered or something? I’m not.
2.Duh, you totally look Jewish.
I get this a lot. A lot. Not only are there about a million and one ways that Jewish people can look (see above), but when non-Jewish people say this, what we hear is: “You look like the super-offensive Jewish physical stereotype.” Would you go around telling people they look Episcopalian? No.
3. But you’re so pretty!
Um, thank you! Just like fellow Jewish women Winona Ryder, Natalie Portman, Dianna Agron, Scarlett Johansson, Idina Menzel, Lea Michele, Mila Kunis, Bar Rafaeli, Kat Dennings, Evan Rachel Wood, Rachel Weisz, Lizzy Caplan, Ashley Tisdale… the list goes on and on.
4. So you only date Jewish guys, right?
This might be the #1 most frequent thing people blurt out when they find out I’m Jewish. And, yes, some Jews only date within the tribe. But personally, limiting my already-tiny New York dating pool to an even smaller demographic of people based on certain religious restrictions that I don’t even believe in so that I can fulfill my singular purpose in life — 100 percent Jewish children — is not an idea that appeals to me. So assuming that all Jewish girls do this truly makes an ass out of you and me.
(Besides, since Judaism is passed down along maternal lines, my kids technically will be Jewish regardless of who I marry.)
5. So you only date rich guys, right? (Related: You must be a Jewish American Princess.)
Granted, I don’t get this as often as other Jewish women do, probably because I live in Brooklyn and write about jizz for a living and am generally a weird example. But, for interested parties, here are my dating requirements: I date anyone I can have sex with and not want to hit with a claw hammer the next morning. And they are surprisingly difficult to fill even without looking at someone’s W4 to determine whether they’re wealthy enough to be with me. (So, short answer: No.)
The percentage of us who will only date rich guys is the same percentage of all women — or men — who will only date rich people. Any Jewish girl (or any girl, or any human being) worth a damn won’t care how much money you make.
6.So you hate Palestinians?
Nope. Just because you have positive feelings about something doesn’t mean you automatically have to have negative feelings about something else.
7. Do you like Israel more than America?
The beaches are pretty, but nope!
8. Did you hook up with a soldier on Birthright?
Nope! Some of them are admittedly pretty hot, though.
9. But are you one of those fake Jews who has a Christmas tree?
Are you one of those fake redheads who always brags about what a sassy redhead you are?
10. Did you two meet on JDate?
Derp. Unless I have previously mentioned that I am on JDate, do not assume that I met a guy I’m going out with on JDate.
11. Oh, that’s why your hair is like that.
- JDate’s mission of making ‘JBabies’ might provoke outrage, ‘Atlantic’ writer allows (mondoweiss.net)
- Convincing Millennials to ‘Marry a Nice Jewish Boy’ (theatlantic.com)
- Love on (cslater1.wordpress.com)
- Poisoners of the Wells – Part 2: The Jewish Role in the Destruction of Traditional Families (therebel.org)
- Netanyahu Ties Jewish Future to Jewish State (israelnationalnews.com)
- The J Word: tackling anti-semitism (standard.co.uk)
- ‘Disgraceful’ Irish report on Kristallnacht goes on display (irishtimes.com)
- Jewish symbols hidden to avoid anti-Semitism (thetimes.co.uk)
- Obama: 75th Kristallnacht anniversary a reminder to denounce anti-Semitism, intolerance (haaretz.com)
- Antisemitism on the rise, says European survey (theguardian.com)